The Bears face the Cleveland Browns at home Sunday, a week after being embarrassed by Carson Palmer, Cedric Benson, Chad Ochocinco, Dusty Baker, Skyline Chili and everything else Cincinnati. It was a terrible effort from the coaches, offense, defense and special teams. Despite the blowout, and two losses in a row, the Bears should defeat the Browns rather easily given their putrid offense, dip-shit head coach Eric Mangini and 1-6 record.
(Note: This week's preview was inspired by and is dedicated to Lili, the enchanting woman that served me at Panda Express on Thursday.)
Orange Chicken: Jay Cutler
Easily the best dish at Panda, the Orange Chicken is tender, tangy and everyones favorite. Cutler (the best and everyones favorite already, don't try to deny it) is coming off a two interception game in which he looked pedestrian. Give him a slight break for the poor performance as the team was blown out from the get-go. John Elway wouldn't have brought the Bears back from the Bengals debacle. He should have his way with the Browns defense and have an great game throwing the ball to Hester, Knox, Bennett and Olsen.
Beef and Broccoli: Lance Briggs
The most consistent dish at Panda time in and time out. You get a little meat, some good vegetables and a lot of fun. Sound like Lance Briggs to anyone? This guy has been "the man" on the Bears defense, consistent all year long, and has taken over Urlacher's leadership role. Look for him to take control again and limit Jamal Lewis, Derek Anderson and the rest of the Browns offense.
Egg Roll: Johnny Knox
The wild-card on the Panda menu. Nearly everyone passes up the egg roll, but some guy ordered four yesterday while I was in line. When it rains, it pours. Johnny Knox had scored a touchdown in four straight games before the Bengals game. Like any good wild card, this guy can go off at any moment. I think he gets back in the action and spikes the ball this week in celebration.
Sweet Fire Chicken: Hunter Hillenmeyer and Josh Beekman
Brand new on the menu, an interesting combination of sweet pineapple along with some heat. Hillenmeyer's new position of middle linebacker this week rotates Roach over to the strong side. Hunter is a smart and disciplined football player that makes up for his lack of athleticism. Beekman, now the new left guard, will be a welcome addition to the struggling offensive line. Beekman is a solid pro that should look like Hall of Famer Anthony Munoz compared to the confused and demoted Frank Omiyale.
Chicken and Mushroom: Lovie Smith
Is there a more divisive food than mushrooms? Some love 'em, some hate 'em, others are so-so with 'em. Lovie generated a ton of buzz after the crippling loss to Cincinnati. Some want him fired now, some want him fired at the end of the year and some defend and respect the overall consistent winning he has brought to the Bears during his tenure. Lovie is feeling the heat and maybe needs an easy win more than any other Bear.
Prediction: Bears 24 - Browns 10
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